


A Chance at Goodbye

by Marvelvirse



Series: Irondad and Spiderson deaths [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, IronDad and SpiderSon, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker grief, Peter Parker saying goodby to Tony Stark, Peter Parker says goodbye to Tony Stark, Sad Tony Stark, This Is Sad, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Whump, Tony Stark is gone, Whump, after the snap, saying goodbye, sorry I’m advance, this doesn’t really have a back story, tony stark is dead, tony stark sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-06 20:30:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16394585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelvirse/pseuds/Marvelvirse
Summary: Tony Stark and the Other Avengers reverse the damage from Thanos, but not without loss.Tony Stark, the man who always seemed invincible, was killed. And Peter Parker struggles to say goodbye to his mentor, his friend.





	1. It wasn’t supposed to be this way

Peter is suddenly not in he stone anymore. After months of being there, mindlessly living in the red/orange light, he is pulled from it instantly and into another bare, grey universe. Much like the soul stone, just a different color. But, there is one thing that is there that wasn’t with him in the stone. 

 _Is it really him?_ Peter’s throats clenches, as he stares at the back of the man, and his heart flaulters. An almost panicked gasp escapes him because  _oh how he has so desperately missed him._

Peter stumbles forward, all the air sucked from his lungs. The overwhelming emotions of grief, loneliness, and fear, all come rushing back to the surface. Because he has been isolated in that place for months, with only his thoughts, with only his unbearable grief, with only the haunting loneliness. 

His mind had replayed that scene in his head thousands of times over, each time worse than the last. Each time making him miss his mentor more. Each time slowly dragging him to insanity.

Becasue You has no idea how  _mind numbing, sanity draining, fear inducing_ it is to stay in the same place for months, and thinking you will live  _eternally_ in that same place. Forever alone. Forever scared.  _Forever without Tony._

His gasp is heard by the man, and Peter  _sobs_ when he sees his face. Because he had long lost all hope of being with him again. But there he is,  _Tony._ His face is mostly unchanged other than a few more scratches and deeper worry line. His hair scruffier than normal, and his tear-rimmed eyes- 

His eyes are a window into his mind. The overwhelming amount of releif and overpowering release of grief. The happiness of seeing his undoubtedly hard work pay off. But there is something else too. Something that puts a hollow pit in Peter’s stomach.

There is a look of regret. A look of sadness. A look that Mr. Stark has when he has grim news. And Peter fears for what that news is.

But right now, he pushes that way, because  _he’s here. Right in front of him. So close._

”Mr. Stark-“ His voice hitches with a sob of releaf, Tony’s eyes soften and he sees the quiver of his lip. He has never seen him look so vonerable before.

”Kid.” Tony’s voice is tight, and Peter can feel his own chest squeeze at the sound of his voice. After  _months_ of silence, the noise makes him sob even harder. And the urge to be in his arms is so sudden, Peter chokes and 

he

is 

running.

Sprinting straight for him, barely feeling his feet touch the ground. His heart hammers, and Tony spreads his arms and walks forward,  _he’s so close-_

they collide. If Peter had any air left in his lungs, it was instantly knocked out. His arms wrap around Tony’s chest, desperately pulling him as close as possible. He feels Tony’s arms around him, and Peter’s body starts to shake violently. 

These last few months had been  _so miserable._ The feeling of having another body next to him, to hear another heart beating that wasn’t his own, made all the pain flood out. 

The sobbing overtook his frame, and Tony raised a hand, running his fingers through Peter’s hair. He could feel His mentors hitched breathing and his heart slamming against his ribs. 

“I missed you Pete.” Tony’s voice is watery, his voice breaking when he says his name. Peter twists his hands in the fabric of the mans shirt, letting out a shaking sigh.

”I missed you, too- I” his body jerks as another sob rushes over him. “I thought I w-would never see you a-again.” A shaky laugh comes from Tony.

”What faith you have in me, kid.” Peter smiles, smiles for the first time since the snap, and burries his head in Tony’s collar bone. And they don’t say anything for a long time, they just stand and hold each other. Letting themselves listen to the breathing and heartbeat of the other.

Peter could of stayed there forever, but Tony slowly pulls him back, earning a small whimper from Peter. He is expected for Tony to look anything other than guilty or sad, but that is the only feature on his face. Peter frowns, keeping his hands curled in the fabric of his shirt. As if letting go would tear them apart again. 

“Peter-“ Tony’s voice faulters, and he watches his face fall. Peter’s heart twists, fear rising in his throat.  _What’s wrong,_ His mind screams,  _what happened?_ “You need to go now.” He hears the painful guilt in his voice, and Peter grips tighter.

”Go? Go where?” He asks, but he doesn’t think he really wishes Tony would respond. Because he fears the answer is nor what he want to hear.

”I’m so sorry to do this to you Kid-“ Tony won’t meet his eyes, and Peter has to bite down the fear running up his throat so he can speak.

”Mr. Stark? what are you talking about?” His voice is tight, and Tony looks over his face. Tears are steadily flowing from his mentors eyes now, and Peter can feel the panic rising. “Mr. Stark?”

”Peter- you have to go back home now-“ Peter shakes his head and quickly goes to correct him. 

“You mean  _we_ have to go home now.” Peter isn’t expecting what comes next, and it drains all of that relief he had from him.

Tony sobs. His face twisting in pure sadness. “No Pete, you have to go. Just you.” The pain in his voice literally makes Peter stumble, falling into Tony’s arms. He wraps his arms back around the man, crying out desperately.

”Mr. Stark stop! Your freaking me out-“ his chest is constructing, making it hard to breath. When Tony tries to pull him back to look at him, Peter won’t let him. He locks his arms around the man, afraid if he lets go, Tony will go away again. So he holds on, letting himself feel how solid he is, how real he is. 

“I’m sorry Peter.” Peter hates those words, and he burrows his head into the side of Tony’s neck. “I didn’t want it to happen this way- I- I never wanted to put you through this-“ Peter blinks. Trying to get his brain to put the pieces together. Trying desperately to understand what was  _so wrong._ “look at me, kid.” The time, Peter lets Tony pry him away just enough to see his face. 

His tears blur his vision slightly, but he still can see the grief set in Tony’s features. “I- Jesus Christ how do I say this?” Peter watches the man take a wavering breath, willing himself to look Peter in the eye. “I’m dying, Pete.”

Peter stumbles back, shaking his head wildly, his eyes scanning over him desperately. Tony’s look is so sad, so guilty. Hot tears race faster down Peter’s face. “No! Stop it! Mr. Stark- y-your fine! Stop saying that!” His words are pleading. Sobs rake over him again. Because he knows, deep down, no matter how much he denies it, Tony isn’t coming back with him.

”I’m okay here, but-“ the look of grief on Tony’s face actually makes Peter dizzy. “I’m not okay on earth, Peter. I’m dying, I don’t have much longer, Thanos stabbed me, I -“ Peter’s knees buckle, he is gasping for air as horrible cries overcome him, grabbing desperately at Tony’s shirt when he kneels down by him. “I’m so,  _so_ sorry kid, it wasn’t suppose to be like this-“

”No! No no no no no! I won’t lose you again, Mr. Stark! I can’t!  _I can’t! Your fine!_ ” the words are flooding from his mouth, pleading for it to be okay. Tony now on the verge of losing it completely as Peter speaks. “I just. Got. You. Back! Don’t do this to me, please Mr. Stark! I don’t think- I can’t take it! Please be okay,” He slumps into Tony’s chest. How did this happen? He was so happy just a second ago. “Please be okay. Please. I can’t do it, I need you to be okay-“ he whimpers into Tony’s shirt, he feels the man tug him closer. And Peter sobs.

Sobs harder than he thought possible.

Because it’s not supposed to be like this. 

“I’m sorry Peter. I-I’m so sorry. I missed you kid, I love you- don’t ever forget that, okay?” Peter gasps for air,  _this can’t be real. It can’t be. Tony’s okay._ “I’m sorry it is happening like this- I love you kiddo.” Peter is convulsing with sobs.

”No! Please! Stop! It hurts Mr. Stark, I can’t do it! Let me die with you, I can’t leave you again!” He can actually feel the point when Tony breaks down. All of his limps fall a bit, his heart skips, and he starts sobbing too. 

“I know Pete. I know.” Tony rests the side of his head on the top of Peter’s curls, breathing in his scent. He takes in all he can, trying his best to make this feeling of the kid in his arms burn into his mind. Because he wants to remember him. Forever. He wants to remember all the laughs he gave him. All the heartattacks and headaches. All the sleepless nights worrying over him. All the smiles the kid wore when he saw him. How his eyes lit up at almost everything. How they looked at Tony with such love. He wanted to remember how selfless he was. How he would throw himself in harms way to save  _anyone,_ even a person who didn’t deserve it. How he was so caring, so forgiving. How he never gave Tony a bad eye, never fought with him, not really. How he could brighten Tony’s darkest days. He wanted to remember his kid.

”I love you so much kid. More than you know. You’re strong Peter, don’t forget how strong you are. You’ll be okay. I know it will hurt, but  _you will be okay. I promise._ ” Peter tucks farther into him, shaking his head violently.

”I don’t- I can’t- I don’t wanna say goodbye, I’m not ready!” Peter chokes, and Tony’s heart feels like it’s ripping itself in half. This isn’t fair to the kid, not at all. “I’ve lost so many people Tony, I can’t lose you too! I can’t-“ 

“I’ll always be with you Pete, I promise.” He kisses the top of the shaking boys head. “I love you kid.” Those words seem to be stuck in replay on Tony’s tongue, but he doesn’t care. He needs the kid to know that.  

“Please don’t leave me.” Peter words are a whisper, and Tony squeezes him harder. His heart can’t take this. It twists and pulls painfully, the guilt hurts. It hurts so much. Because Peter deserves to be happy. After everything, he deserves to be happy. And deep down, Tony fears that Peter won’t be happy for a very long time, maybe never. He might not ever have that excited spark in his eye, the light hearted laugh, the kind smile. And that wasn’t fair, because he  _deserved his happiness. Of all the people, Peter deserved it the most._ That thought crushes Tony’s chest, because he should of fought harder. Should have made sure he was okay for the kid. He shouldn’t have to leave him again, he shouldn’t put Peter through that.

”I’m sorry Pete, I hope you understand kid. I love you, so much. Your so strong.” He whispers back. He can feel himself start to slip away, and it scares him.

 

it scares him so much.

Tonys breath catches in his throat, he doesn’t want to leave him again. He missed him every single day, and now, they were about to be ripped from each other was again. Fate seems too cruel.

 

He runs his hand through Peter’s hair one last time. Taking in the sound of his beating heart, the one he waited to hear for so long after the snap. “I love you. Stay strong Peter, don’t you ever give up kid. I’m so sorry, be strong.”

”Please don’t leave me, Tony! Please! I’ll do anything, please-“

___________

Peter flies forward, the sudden abcence of Tony is haunting. He curls up into himself, rocking back and forth. He lets out a blood curdling scream, one that he wishes would release the pain. Reverse time. Let the grief go away, _bring Tony back to him._ But it doesn’t. It won’t.

He’s gone.

Relentless sobs control him.

Hes back on Titan, with Strange, Quill, Mantis, and Drax. And Tony isn’t there, and he knows, he isn’t on earth either. He is gone, just like so many others in Peter’s life. He can feel their eyes on him, and Strange give him a pitiful look. Because he knew, he knew what would happen. He had seen the future.

Peter’s head falls between his knees, the emotions are exhausting. He can’t bring himself to move, to breath. He just sits, letting Tony’s last words fill his head as he cries. “I love you. Stay strong Peter, don’t ever give up Kid. I’m so sorry, be strong.”


	2. My final goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter goes to Tony’s funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn’t think I was gonna write another chapter but HERE WE ARE! I really tried to make this sad, so I hope it worked :’)

The next few days pass in a blur of misery and grief. Honestly, from getting back to earth to meeting the other Avengers to reuniting with his family and friends, Peter can hardly remember it, because it’s been blurred by tears. So many tears. So many silent sobs at night.

And when the funeral comes, Peter is not ready. He would never be ready. 

He steps out onto the sidewalk, his breath floats in the air in the form of fog. The cold weather bites at him, making him even more miserable. He doesn’t want to do this. He can’t do this. It hurts too much. 

He almost turns around to go back inside and hide so he doesn’t have to go, because this is slowly breaking him. And soon, he will shatter into a million pieces, and no one will be able to put him back together. Because he can’t be whole without Tony. He never would be the same again. He almost makes it to the steps leading to the door, but then a sleek black car pulls up. And Peter freezes.

I can’t. I can’t take it. No. I can’t do it. It’ll make it too real, to final. I can’t speak, it’ll hurt too much. I can’t.

His body shakes violently, and not from the cold. From the emotions. His breath doesn’t want to come, and his legs buckle. 

He falls forward, knees hitting the snow covered concrete, and he barely feels it. Spots dance in his vision, his body swaying. He is numb. So numb. It’s almost relieving, and that scares him.

A person gets out of the car, who Peter was not expecting, though he should of, who else would it be? It’s just he hadn’t seen him since the snap. Something in the back of his mind had ridden him off as dead, because that just seems to be what happens to people that Peter cares about. But there he is, Happy, kneeling beside him in the snow.

The look on his face is one Peter hasn’t seen before, one of pity and grief. Happy has always been a unemotional person, as far as Peter knew. It had never bothered him before, he actually like it, it’s what made Happy, Happy. But looking down at a broken kid, his eyes soften, and there are tears at the surface of them. Peter looking to the man, almost as if searching for guidance. Because his heart is so lost, devoid of all hope and happiness, wondering in grief. Desperately trying to find a way out. Happy lays a soft hand on his shoulder. “It’s time to go, Kid.” Peter can’t speak, he just let’s out a small whimper, letting the man slowly pull him up to his feet and guide him to the car.

He sits in the back seat, not bothering to buckle up. Happy gets in And starts the car. The silence is horrible. And Peter curls his knees to his chest, laying his head back on the window. He just wished this would all fade away, that it could go back to the way it was before Thanos. Back to when he was joyful, back to when Tony was alive and safe, back to normal. 

“Everything-“ Happy’s voice cuts through the quite, and Peter gazes into the rear-view mirror where Happy is looking at him. The man clears his throat, Peter can hear the tightness in his voice. “everything will be okay, Peter. Eventually.” He says softly, as Peter stares for a moment. Happy has never really tried to comfort him before. Peter just shakes his head slowly, closing his eyes. 

It won’t be okay. Not ever. It can’t be. Because after suffering this much sadness, there is no coming back from that. A part of him, if not all of him, will always be stuck like this. Forever miserable. 

“Please- please don’t lie to me.” He says weakly, his voice is dry and hoarse. He can hear the man open his mouth, but nothing escapes his lips. Happy has never heard Peter like this. He used to always be optimistic and peppy, even on the worst days. The coldness and grief in his voice takes him back. 

The rest of the ride is silent, and Peter barely remembers any of it. Too trapped in his own thoughts to focus on reality. It is only when Happy opens his door for him that Peter finally opens his eyes again. He takes a deep breath, then forces his numb limbs to carry himself out of the vehicle. He steps out into the cold air, not bothering to shove his hands in his pocket. The thought of being warm seems to almost repel him, as if trying to be anything but miserable was wrong at this point.

Peter stares up at the small crowd of people, all with grim looks on their faces. 

Steve Rodgers stands in a dark navy suit, his face is heavy set with grief as he watches Peter with pitying blue eyes.

Natasha Romanov faces away from the group, looking off into the sky. Hands together neatly in front of her. Her face masked from emotion, except the line of water in her eyes.

Rhodey and Pepper, both looking toward Peter with tears streaming down there face, standing closely to each other for comfort. Peter can’t even look at them, it hurts too much.

James Barns, sitting on a bench, looking down at the snow blanketed concrete. His face creased with a look of regret.

Stephen Strange, wearing a expensive black suit with his scarred hand in his pockets, leans against one of the pillars of the building, his face unreadable. 

Bruce banner, sitting on the bench next to Bucky, leaning over with his face in his hands, completely unmoving, but Peter can hear his sniffles.

Wanda stands slight behind Steve, her face is still other than a slightly quivering lip. She won’t meet Peter’s eyes. 

T’Challa and Shuri stand together, talking quietly with each other.

Thor and Loki and also standing together, both of the god’s faces are set with a grim look.

A few others are there, but Peter doesn’t bother trying to figure out who they are. He steps up the stair, Happy at his heels. Peter let’s the pavement catch his gaze, unwilling to look at the other people around him. He was so stupidity think he could actually do this. Tony was wrong, he wasn’t strong. Not really. Not in these situations. It wouldn’t get better like Tony had promos him, it couldn’t be possible.

A large hand is laid on Peter’s shoulder, he doesn’t even flinch. Like his enhanced senses have also been dulled through grief. Every part of him was slowly giving up.

“Peter,” the voice belongs to Steve, and Peter wants to shy away. He doesn’t want to talk, he just wants to be left alone. He can’t deal with other people grief on top of his own, it’s all too much. His body shifts uncomfortably under the mans grasp, and Steve takes the hint and slowly withdraws his hand. “I- Tony wanted me to tell you this, because he didn’t want you to be mad.” Peter can hear the man swallow, and his eyes burn and chest tighten at his name. “We- we made up. After he got back to earth, he forgave me. Maybe he shouldn’t have, I- I don’t think I deserved it. But he- he did.” Peter’s vision blurs, the weight growing in his gut. I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t. “He just wanted me to tell you that.” Peter closes his eyes, staying faced away from the man. Of coarse Tony would tell Steve to make sure Peter knew. Because He didn’t want him to hold hard feelings against him. But Peter could still feel the slight burn of anger in his sternum. Because Tony didn’t deserve for that fight in Germany to happen, he didn’t deserve to be betrayed. 

Steve sighs quietly behind him, and Peter can feel him walk away. Peter normally would feel guilt for ignoring someone, especially when they were just trying to make things write. But he is too numb. To miserable. Like he has reaching the max of his emotions.

 

The ceremony goes by in a blur, that is, until it is Peter’s turn to speak. Why did he ever agree to this? What in his brain made him trick himself into thinking he could possibly speak without breaking down? 

Steve calls him up, and Peter stands on shaking knees. Walking slowly up to the pulpit. Nausea rising in his throat as he stares at the black casket. The tears are at his eyes before he can stop them. Tony is in there. Dead. He is dead, and he isn’t coming back. He’s dead. 

Peter turns away from the casket, facing the solum crowd. What am I doing? I can’t do this, I can’t! His mind screams at him, everything in his body telling him to flee. But then there is a whisper in his head, and Peter stills.

‘It’s okay, kid,’ Tony’s voice echos in his head, and Peter holds onto the sound. Never wanting to forget his voice. ‘Just breathe.’ He says softly, and Peter closes his eyes, taking in air through his nose. His eyes leak hot tears, and his breath is on the verge of sobs.

‘You’re strong, I’m here kid.’ Tony’s voice soothes. ‘Do it for me, Pete. I’m listening.’ His breath hitches with a barely contained sob, and he forces himself to open his eyes. Do it for Tony, his mind presses, and Peter allows himself to take another deep breath. He breaths out and opens his mouth. 

“I’m not gonna lie,” his voice is thick and watery, but at this point, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that he looks weak, that he would be so vulnerable in front of such strong people. Because he wasn’t going to let himself be ashamed for letting people know how much he cared for Tony. How much he loved and looked up to him. How much he missed him. “This is way out of my comfort zone.” He says shakily, glancing at that cold black object. 

“But I’m doing this for him.” He says, staring down at his shaking hands. The grief seems to be doubling with each word, and Peter fears this might be when he finally shatters. “Because he- he deserves this. H-he deserves to be remembered.” A strangled sob escapes him, and Peter allows it. Because the pain he is trapping inside himself needs to be released.

“Mr. Stark was one of the g-greatest things that has happened to me.” His breath hitches, and Peter forces down the next choking sob so he can talk. “Not just because o-of the amazing suit, b-but because after I lost B-Ben, I thought I would n-never have a person to fill that hole inside of me.” His chest tightens at every word, but there is also a relief in his gut. And the words start to flow out without hesitation. He turns to face the casket, because he needed to tell this to Tony. Even if he couldn’t hear him, he needed to say it to him. 

“He- no one could ever replace Ben. I wouldn’t dare let that happen.” He places a shaking hand on the black wood, choking on his sobs, tears falling off his chin steadily. “But, Tony, you filled some other p-part of me I didn’t even know I was missing.” He smiles down at the box, his lip quivering, praying that Tony could hear him. “You made me s-so happy. Gave me a joy I didn’t know was possible. You took me in, like- like a son, Tony. You took me in like a son.” He lays both hands on the casket, his whole body convulsing with cry’s. Peter forgets there is anyone else in the room. “And, I- oh I needed that so badly. And truth is, I-I’m not ready to say goodbye, Mr. Stark. I don’t want to.” He straitened himself, looking down at the casket where his friend lay. “But fate is cruel, so I guess I have to.” He takes in a shaking breath. 

“Mr. Stark, thank you. For- for everything.” He smiles sadly, grief flooding over him in an overwhelming amount. His whole stomach twists and an animalistic sob escapes him. “I hate this- I hate saying goodbye. I’ve done it to many times.” He chokes on his words, it hurts so badly. Why can’t this pain just go away? “I wish our journey wasn’t over Tony. I wish our time together could’ve been longer. I am going to miss you so much, Mr. Stark.” He withdraws him hands from the box, stepping back. Letting not only his words say goodbye, but also his body as he steps away from his friend. 

Nothing should be so painful. Pain like this shouldn’t exist. But it does. It builds up in him so fast that his vision swarms and him knees hit the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

And he finally shatters.

His fragments scatter, and he hopes, prays, that wherever he is, maybe Tony caught a piece to keep with him.

“I’m trying to be strong. I really am,” his chest heaves, and he holds his stomach. “But it hurts, Tony. It hurts so bad.” There is a hand around his waist, guiding him up and away from the casket. Peter doesn’t fight it, he just drags his feet with whoever is pulling him along. But before he leaves the room, he lets himself turn his head to get one last look at the black casket, whispering to it. “Goodbye, Tony. I miss you, I’m so sorry. I love you so much, Mr. Stark, I wish this wasn’t goodbye. I don’t want to say goodbye.” And with that, a weight is lifted from his chest. He said what he needed to, now maybe, someone could start to put him back together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you thought!!!!!! Was it whumpy enough for you?


End file.
